the you i see

the you i see isn't all that bad.

i see you walk down the street like a sloth. you strut your stuff like there's no one watching. it's funny how you look so tired, tired from all that walking. come to think of it, i've never seen you run. maybe you look funny when you run that's why you never showed me. or maybe you were never in any hurry to get anywhere.

i remember the time when you talked on the phone with a high-pitched voice. i don't know where that came from. i've always admired how deep your voice sounds when you talk to me. you make me want to listen even if i don't want to. then i told you how different you sounded when you talk to those americans. you then changed the way you talk. it was so much sexier.

when you watch tv shows, or a movie or just the game, your eyes sparkle. i remember how hard you tried to keep your eyes from shutting while you were doing your thing with the PS. sometimes, i watch you drift off to sleep and then jerk when you realized you just fell asleep. i stifle a laugh. i pretend to be asleep so you don't feel embarassed. but you're never embarassed in front of me. i think all of your flaws are cute.

you snore, you know. i like it. rhythmic and steady. your snoring makes me fall asleep when i need to, wakes me up when it's time. you also jerk a lot in your sleep. were you running in your dream? or did you fall? i always ask you that. you always tell me not to worry so much. sometimes, when you sleep before i do, i get scared.. because i feel alone, that you were some place else where i wasnt., and that was one of my fears.

"lagi kang walang gana", a friend would tell you every time we ate. i know when you wouldnt eat. i can name a few: when you're asleep, when you're in the middle of your game or when there's someone at the foosball table calling for you to play. you were such a baby. i resorted to spoon feeding your skinny butt just to make it not any skinnier that it already was. i remember feeding you champorado and taho, your favorite breakfast. i remember pulling the meat off the bones just so you wouldnt have to waste precious time doing that so as not to lose anymore foosball time.

you protected me. you walked on my left side to keep me from bumping into people walking against us. i thought that was the sweetest thing. im sure you don't notice but whenever you do that, i always have a tiny smile on my face. small enough that nobody could see it. using your hand to shade me from the glare, cooking for me even if you never knew how to, giving the evil eye to people to eyed me.. all of them, remembered.


sadly, the you i see isnt you anymore. i can choose to skew everything negatively, but my heart chose to see all the good things, the you i saw.