im not a social butterfly nor a loner nor a third wheel

L, im sorry. i know i was supposed to come back. but i didnt. i cant. i dont want to. im not in the mood. im sorry. there's no excuse for this so all i can do is just apologize.


i dont understand me. i've never been like this before. i've always liked going out and having a good time. but look at me, at home on a saturday night, and actually enjoying it. darn, am i old? is this the making of an old maid? (oh dear God, i hope not)

tonight was supposed to be a night of debauchery. my first night out in two months. but, circumstances and feelings came in the way of me getting drunk. and im not disappointed. maybe im just tired of it. maybe i dont enjoy the company(?). maybe im "too old" for it. maybe ive been doing it for so long that i have outgrown it. or maybe, nights of drinking and nights out with my friends back in the philippines cant compare with what i have (had) here.

*sigh*

i miss both my drunk and sober nights with my pampanga friends. nothing compares.

and i hate being the third wheel. such a random thought. but i do. because i know how it feels to be the couple who's harboring the third wheel. trying hard not to make him/her feel left out, the third wheel always in the middle, you want to kiss but you cant because of third wheel, you want to cuddle so sweetly that you attract bees but you cant because of third wheel, and a whole lot more you dont want to admit. dont get me wrong. im happy for my friends. im happy that they're happy and i want them to be happy (too many happy's it's sad) thats why i dont want to get in the way of them being happy. i hate pda when im not involved and im not into 3somes so.. there.

why God, why am i such an old maid lately?

i need to get laid. (haha)


p.s. NANCY, im still waiting on my bday gift. *wink*wink*