letting all the hurt out

it's funny how i don't feel that surge in my heart anymore when i think about you. i guess, i've been feeling it for the longest time that i've gotten used to it, thinking it's still there but in reality, it's already gone. im glad, you know. im glad you made me feel that way. cliche as is may sound, it did make me stronger, a little jaded and a little cynical but stronger, still.

i remember feeling that when the wounds were still fresh... when just a simple look at you sends shivers up my spine, when that last hug you gave me before you left made me want to cry, when you were talking to someone about this girl you like and i forced back tears.

momel said that looking back shows you how far you've gone, or how far away you need to go. he is right. now i see that i've gone far enough to look back and not stop moving forward. now, i just look back to reminisce. to remember happy memories. to see how much i've learned.

i still can't seem to stop thinking (not feeling, just thinking) about all the hurt, how good you were at making me believe that i was the one and how you made me giddy like a schoolgirl.

that first kiss, i remember it. you were downstairs having a drinking session with ronan, i get a whiff of something vanilla-y and i knew what you were doing. you came up just before the sun rose above the horizon, you lay down beside me and wake me up. you tell me that you love me, and that you knew it was hard for me because i was with someone else. to tell you the truth, it wasnt hard for me that time, my life was way easier and less complicated before you came into it. you told me that it was ok if i didn't love you back. then you kissed me. long and tender and sweet. the idiot in me kissed you back. i knew it was wrong the first time i saw you. i knew people would get hurt, including me.

i can't seem to understand why YOU're jaded when it comes to love. what couldve we done to you to make you think that love doesnt work? shouldnt you be asking yourself? shouldnt you be telling us why love didnt work out for you? why you had to have girls on the side? why you had to love having sex with every other girl that takes off their panties for you? tell me.