spring's here!

spring is finally here. you'll know that spring's here when buildings turn on their fountains and start filling the pools with water. you will see geese crossing the roads causing unbelievable traffic jams and squirrel road kill on the roads. after that winter (that seemed like the longest ever!), the sun's out and i can actually walk out without a jacket! i've grown tired of lugging a heavy wool coat around (not that i dont like the way i look in it, and the fact that two good friends gave it to me, but it's just too heavy!) and it just takes up too much space.

next to the new year, spring has always been the season of starting anew. well, i have decided to fix what remains of my life. i've decided to reconnect with people who matter and cut ties with people who don't. why should i waste precious time trying to catch the attention of people who ignore you on purpose. mahirap gisingin ang nagtutulog-tulugan. i've also decided to sleep more, watch food network less and try to exercise at least 4 days a week (tough!). i will also be nicer to the kids, not be the kontrabida anymore and let them live their kid-life. i wouldve hated it too if someone robbed me of my carefree days. sigh.

i'll stick to these spring resolutions, i will. i will.

Sometimes, we just have to let it go. No matter how hard it is, no matter how unimaginable, you CAN live without it in your life. Some people are just not meant to be in your life.

Or at least their role in your life is done and over with so they have to move on.. and so do YOU.

go figure!

everybody has some memory of someone that they will never forget their whole life. no matter where life takes you or how long you haven't talked to or seen that person, his/her memory, that part of your life, will stay with you till the day you die.. :D

on the bus going home, my mind was full of memories of people from the past and the way past past. i thought about writing them all down and sharing them here. and so i did. here goes.

• J,J and I went to San Fernando, Pampanga, to get our driver's licenses. J drove my car and we ate out and we did a little bonding.
• J,J,T,K,T,C,R,M,L,K and I had a little after party the night of T's 18th bday. We all went to the disco (yes, it was the in thing back then) and that was the first time i saw my good buddy J hit the dance floor. we were all laughing and having fun.
• very good bfriends N,C and I went to manila to go to one of our friend's bday party. N rented a van and we were in an all-night-gimik mode. we didnt have much fun in the party but the after party was a blast. we ended up in eastwood and there i met one of my good friends, C. it was good girlie bonding.

• E and I had to go to this woodcarving place to get our projects for school. we got lost, went to the middle of nowhere, walked from friendship gate to after the friendship bridge (which is pretty far for those who live in angeles city). all that after pulling an all-nighter to finish one of our papers. good times!
• E and I went to puerto galera with a couple other good friends. We all decided to stay one more day but we ran out of moolah. so E and I volunteered to go back to Batangas Pier to withdraw money to finance the rest of our stay. The waves were so huge at that time and the ride to and from was very scary. i hugged his arm all throughout the biyahe.
• J and I had different schedules at work. When he gets home, i'm in the middle of my deep sleep. One day i was woken up with kisses and hugs and he surprised me with a watch (that i still have) and wore it till it gave up on me.
• C was the meanest person i've ever had the chance of meeting. but i love her. she knows that. highschool would never be the same if we didnt sit together in class. we shared the same likes and dislikes, including cartoons! haha
• C,K,T and I had a lot of bonding time. I particularly remember the times when K was in her third trimester and we were still going out on gimiks till the wee hours of the morning! We went to a comedy club, drank coffee (juice for her) till after midnight, watched South Border, sleptover, had pool parties and a whole lot more. Those were fun times.
• K,J,J,T,T,R,S,C,L,A and I just got back from B's 18th bday party. We all decided to just hang out in T's house. We were all outside, sitting on and in the cars when a jeep rolled by and one of the guys in that jeep said "hi babes" (yeah like we were babes!). my good friend J got offended by the comment and he screamed "bugok" right back at them. the jeep suddenly stopped and a guy after a guy after a guy got off and we were surrounded by them. you know what happened next? yes, it was war! (haha) guys punching, girls running, guy sleeping in the car while all of this was going on. my first rumble.. good memories!
• J cooked for me his specialty adobo and tinola. it was good. he even taught me how to do it but alas, im really not built for the kitchen ( at that time at least)
• I also remember the first time i met J. We set a date and met for the first time in SM North. He looked a lot like robin padilla back then and he looked like he was such a bad boy. Liked him right away.
• One of my best memories of S is way back when we worked the same shift. We ate breakfast in Cubao right near the bus station. we filled ourselves with porkchops and bbq and rice and the pink suka with onions. Good food with a good friend.
• E,S,J,G,L and I all decided to go to baguio in one of the few long weekends that we're entitled to. Bus ride was long but it was all good. food trips, late night chowking because L and G came late, shopping, waiting for ube and jam at good sheperd's, drinking warm jagermeifter, "conffetti-conffetti" and cold nights are still remembered. fun times.
• 

• J,J,J,C,T,S and I went to olongapo for an outing. We came with my parents and even had free lunch and a free ride to and from. we played like kids, buried friends under the sand, went to a beach where we were the only ones there and bonded and slept in one room where there was just one bed and a chair.
• T, a very goodbfriend who passed away (God bless her soul) and I bonded over our La Union trip. We talked, drank and almost drowned while swimming. our friendship was stronger and more tight after this trip.
• i have very fond memories of T while we were planning her 18th bday. C and I did some arrangements so her last dance would with her crush! it was fun seeing her reaction when the last person to give her a rose was her ultimate crush. little did we know that she had the hots for another friend. ;)
• my college buddies, C's, shared a lot of memories together. the ones that i remember the most are the bondings we had sa abandoned hospital in Clark, behind McDonald's. we cut classes, bought baon (thats the code for vodka and gin), ate, drank, played volleyball and got drunk under the trees.
• one time i sleep-hugged J while he was playing his game (he always plays after i fall asleep). I had no idea i did that. when i woke up, he was still playing his game but i was still in his arms. i told him that that was one of my best sleeps ever.
• San Fernando is well known to be a low-lying area. whenever it rains, the river overflows and fills the road with floodwater. one time we all had a bonding session in sm pampanga. it was raining hard (signal number 2 ata nun) and when it was time to go home, the streets were flooded. jeeps, cars even buses were all stuck. we decided to just walk from sm pampanga to crossing which was pretty far considering the flood was all the way up to our waists. R,R,C,T,K and I got to crossing (i was wearing a dress panaman!), bought talangka (yes, we had time to think about our rumbling tummies!) and went home to R's house only to find out that their house got flooded too!
• what i remember about K, another very goodbfriend, was all that writing we did while we were in highschool. we were classmates and only a few rows apart but we kept writing letters to each other everyday. sometimes even twice a day! i still have all of her letters in my drawer at home and i plan to keep them till i grow old.
• Boracay is one of the best places on earth. and who else to go there and enjoy the beauty of it but with another very good bfriend C. she and her parents went there saturday and stayed till tuesday. Me and my family were scheduled to get there thursday of the same week. so she stayed an extra 5 days in paradise with me and my family only to be haunted by the mumu of Lorenzo Main. it was uber fun.
• another fond memory was that of J sleep hugging me in one of our getaways.
• one of the best memories i had with J happened a few days before we called the whole thing off. it was the day before xmas eve. we had dinner and watched a movie. going home, we were on the bus and there was only one seat left. i sat down and he stood right beside me. he whispered sweet-nothings in my ear and told me that the song playing was his song for me (id rather not tell because it's TOO CHEESY!). i was smitten. i never would've thought..
• J was a very patient person. He took me home even if i lived all the way in Pampanga and he in Fairview. He did this a couple of times.
• E surprised me with flowers and ballons one valentines day when we were still together. all my friends were in it and i had no idea. one of my best memories.
• L and J surprised me with flowers the night of our first year anniversary. my boss and a few other friends were in the surprise and i never saw it coming. i was teary-eyed and not to mention head over heels in love.
• N's goodbye party was one of the most memorable i've ever had. we slept over, helped her pack and took some of her stuff :) talked about random stuff, reminisced our life together, cried and laughed.

i know i missed a lot more stuff but im sure, in one of my bus rides going to work or going home, il be staring blankly into space, remembering all the fun memories you and i made back then.

reconnecting with my kumpare

i was just on the phone with a very good friend who i haven't spoken to in about a year and a half. he's one of those people who know me inside out and he's one of those people who i can be myself with and not worry about judgements (well, except the asars).

we made a lot of memories back in the day. we had this period where we did most things together. i used to practically live in his house that his mom and dad call me their long-lost daughter, had a spot in their dining table and had my own spot in their bedroom.i remember the time when we were in a watch-every-darn-movie phase. we would watch whatever movie is showing in the movie house (that was in Jenra Mall before) even if we knew that the movie sucked bigtime. we didn't care. i remember the time when i really, really, really wanted to watch that regine velasquez-robin padilla movie and he was there with me, standing on the sidelines (because the moviehouse was packed with jologs like us) until the movie ended and then(!) got seats and watched it again (now, more comfortably, haha).

i remember that the longest phone conversation i have ever had in my entire life was with him. from about 9am saturday till 1 am the next day we were on the phone, talking, eating, watching t.v., listening to cd's, playing p.s., sleeping and going to the bathroom even! :) he was my dakilang driver. one call and he would drive me everywhere i want to go. (haha, well not all the time but most of the time he did) he was very nice to me. pop cola lang and free lunch/dinner ayos na. (joke lang).

i knew everything about him and he knew (almost;)) everything about me.. we had a lot of adventures together. those were fun days. in five years pros, kitakits ulit. :)

new york, new yuck, new love

the first time i set foot in new york city, i knew i would develop a love and hate relationship with the city. we took the bus going there and the ride did not seem that long. while we were on the freeway, the sights remind me so much of nlex back home. the fields, the road, the cars, the buses and all that made me think i was going home to pampanga instead of going to new york.

maryland, delaware, philadelphia, new jersey then finally, new york. the drive was around 4 hours and within that time span, we went through four states.drive for 4 hours in california, it will only take you past L.A. if you drove up from san diego.


I new york city.

it reminds me so much of manila that all the trash on the streets were endearing. when we got off the bus and into the port authority, i thought i was in tutuban or greenhills! we walked around and the streets remind me of cubao. we stayed in a hotel right smack in the middle of seventh avenue, infront of madison square garden. we were in the middle of all the action. liked and hated it at the same time. new york is so different from maryland and d.c. the streets were so crowded and everybody was in a hurry to get to wherever they're going, pushing and shoving everybody in their way. *sigh* just like manila. like home sweet home. shopping was good. they have a lot of independent stores that sell cheap but good stuff. i bought a couple of i heart new york shirts for me and my co-teachers. can't wait to wear them to the gym. we walked to times square and it wasn't that great. it was so crowded that you won't be able to appreciate the beauty of the billboards. well, the crowd is what makes new york city, new york city right?
















Welcome to Times Square. Welcome to Chocolate Heaven

At night, the streets are teeming with people. it really is the melting pot of usa. Different kinds of people, different nationalities, different colors, different personalities all walk the same streets.

we decided to go to little italy for a little before-midnight snack. it was a freakin 5 mile walk but we sucked it all in and walked all the way there. we ate at pomodoro ristorante. all four of us ordered our own mini pizza which wasnt "mini" at all! we had 4 12-inch pies cut into 4 big-ass slices, buffalo wings, lasagna and cold beer. it was all good. walking through almost half of manhattan was definitely worth it. when it was time to go home, we all didn't want to go through all that walking sh*t again so everybody decided we should just take our chances and take the subway. i was so freakin nervous. i am a seasoned traveller and i take the metro regularly but there was something about the ny subway that intimidated me. it was complicated and scary. but the lights don't turn on and off when you go through the tunnel like in the movies. as malas as i am, we took the wrong train and went all the way to coney island at the tip of the island (and madison square garden is in the opposite direction!) but of course, we got home din. i wouldnt be writing about this if i didnt survive that right?

i would looove to go back and do more sightseeing. but this time, il be ready for the subway and all that walking!

what the efyusikey?!

what the fcuk?

deleted me from your friendster again? what's the deal?

this vicious cycle ends right here, right now.

anime addict

i miss watching AXN (http://www.axn-asia.com/) back in the philippines. it's one of the coolest channels on cable. i used to be so addicted to that channel. this was the channel that introduced me to survivor and to the amazing race. it made an anime addict out of me. i used to watch Slam Dunk, Gatekeepers, Boys be, Oh my Goddess!, Fushigi Yugi and all those other japanese cartoons ALL THE TIME. i didn't care if they were reruns, i would still watch them religiously and i even cut classes just to watch them at Proceso's house. sometimes, he won't go to school too because my cartoon wasnt finished yet (come to think of it, i owe you a lot dude).

last friday my fushigi yugi ova series dvd arrived. i was ridiculously happy and giddy like a kid. i watched all 5 hours of it in one sitting then watched it again the next day. (haha) yes, i am THAT obsessed with it.
i've always been a huge fan of tamahome --> and never that of miaka (because tamahome is mine! *evil laugh*) i have to admit that they are good cartoons. funny and emotional and some scenes even made me cry my freaking heart out.

fellow anime lovers would understand what i mean. fushigi yugi is my second anime love. my first one was ghostfighter. (yes, ralph idol kita kasi kamukha mo si eugene!) it was very popular back in highschool and i even remember my history teacher (who was so addicted to it) allotting 10 minutes of his time to discuss what happened in the last episode and what will happen on the next one!

now i have to get back to watching it ... for the third time.. *haha*

winter blues

i came across one of my sentimental letters from way back. just wanted to share it.



How do you know that he is the one? Everyone says you just know it. It's the way you feel when you're together. The way you feel so comfortable holding his hand or kissing him. It's the way everything seems to be perfect when you two are together. You have no fear, no worries, no care about the world. It's just the two of you, like it's never going to end. When I'm with him, the feeling i have is incredible. I feel so happy, so safe, so secure and so loved. I do not worry about anything when I am with him. I'm a tough person (so i thought) and I do not like exposing my vunerable side. But he made me put all my defenses down and just give in, love him with everything and I mean everything. When I'm with him I just want to hug him and not let go, kiss him for as long as I can. Being with him gives me the security that I need and the protection that I long to feel. He was my strength, he was my weakness. He was my everything. I never again imagined myself with anybody else except him. My heart used to ache with just the thought of not being with him.

After a year, my feelings never changed. I still feel my heart race whenever I'm with him. I still feel the same excitement i felt the first time we kissed. Being together 24/7 didn't change what I felt. It even made it stronger and more intense. When I go home during the weekend, I miss him even more. Seeing him again when Monday comes makes my stomach flutter and that feeling rushes through me all over again. My love for him just came naturally. I didn't have to excert any efforts to do so.

Everything in this world is not perfect. We had our shares of arguements and bad times. He taught me how to accept his past and move on. And so i did. I loved him for everything that he is, for everything that he was... his imperfections, his past, his future, his present. I got hurt a lot of times. I found out about a lot of things that changed the way I looked at our relationship and challenged my faith in love. When I finally got over all that, he gives up on me, on us. He said he just stopped loving me. He just stopped.

My perfect love, my world, the one who once said that he would never let me go, finally did. I was crushed. It felt like the whole world just crashed onto me. I loved him with my whole heart (dumb move) and with just his goodbye, he took it all away. My pain and sorrow ate me whole. Everyday that I was not with him seemed like forever. Days seemed like years. I longed for him. Missed everything about him, his hugs, kisses, his smile, his smell, his fingers that disappear in mine. I found my lowest point.

I'm guessing that from here I have nowhere else to go but up. I made a pact with God, I asked him to either give him back to me or take away the pain. He did the latter. And I am very thankful for that. Here I am, stronger and bolder. And I do believe that when the heart heals itself, it grows bigger just like the universe. It expands to accomodate everything else there is to come. It definitely does.

sick sick sick

i hate it when people jinx my health. i've been knocking on wood the whole winter because i didnt get sick.. but alas, last monday my healthy streak got broken. i finally caught my first cold/flu/cough of this winter. i hate being sick, especially here. i have nobody to take care of me and nobody to look after me and that is the worst feeling ever. (how pathetic!)

nyquil has been helping me catch some zzz's at night. i cant even sleep straight anymore because i keep waking up every 2 hours to blow my nose so i can breathe again! i hope i dont get addicted to nyquil. sleeping 10 hours wont hurt anybody right?

now, il go back to nursing myself back to health so i can get on with my freakin' life!