unlucky

ok ok, i think i get it. you dont have to shove it in my face that im so unlucky in love. i know that i like the wrong guys and look past the ones that are good to me. i know that i get bored easy with some people and that my taste for adventure has gotten me in trouble more than once in my life. i know that there are people that are off limits, but i still ask the universe to do the opposite of what i should be doing. i am never with the one who is patient with me or gives me flowers just for the heck of it. i am never with the one who calls me just to say hi, or goodnight, or i hope youre eating and not exercising too much. i am never with the one who shows up on my doorstep one lazy afternoon to surprise me with his hugs. i am never with the one who brings me home, or makes sure that i am home, or picks me up when i need him to. i am never with the one who is not afraid to hold my hand infront of everyone or give me a peck on the cheek. i am never the with the one who is content with just lying in bed, hugging or watching tv or some movie we will never understand because we would be looking at each other the whole time anyway.

i have, however, been with the one who throws all the tantrums, the one who is pickier than me, the one who always gets his way, the one who holds your hand infront of other people but holds another's hand when youre not looking, a stalker (unbelievable, i know!), and someone who thinks he has the right to do whatever he wants with you.

i am still hopeful, though i've seen and heard so much about these things. my first thought is that i've been watching too many drew barrymore movies, but also, all of us deserve to have that kind of love once in our lives..

i am never going to sit around and wait for it to come. i will still go about and live my life. but i will still wait.

thanks malu

while malu was driving me home just this afternoon, we were listening to her old school the sound of music cd in her car. she told me about this song that tells about how maria, julie andrews' character in the movie, was thinking that she must've done something good in her past to deserve what she had.

i'd like to feel the same way someday. i am not looking for it right now, i am happy just the way im living my life. but maybe someday when im tired of this, then, i'd like to be able to say the same.

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Perhaps I had a wicked childhood
Perhaps I had a miserable youth
But somwhere in my wicked, miserable past
There must have been a moment of truth

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could
So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

For here you are, standing there, loving me
Whether or not you should

So somewhere in my youth or childhood
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing
Nothing ever could


So somewhere in my youth

Or childhood

I must have done something . . .

Something good