kaw ha.

iba ka na. dami na nagbago. sabi mo iba ka sa kanila, di din. pareho lang din. sabi mo bago ka, ibang klase. di din ah. katulad mo din sila eh.

basta.

pero ok lang. ano pa nga ba.

bahala na.

"Will this ever work?"



i don't know. you tell me.

the chain:

hirap. gulo. kakaiba. ewan. masarap. masaya. malungkot. fun. refreshing. frustrating. weird. good. friend. distant. open. close. limited. complicated. adventure. pleasure. displeasure. comforting. scary. unstable. movies. harrypotter. unexpected. final. short. now. later. other. second. choice. protector. destroyer. rewarding. silence. quiet. flattering. blocked. stop. na.

should i give myself a chance? should i let my guard down? should i put myself out there and take the risk? believe me, im trying to, im already out there, im waiting and im vunerable. i thought if i opened up, everything will fall into it's place. but it doesnt seem like it's reaping any rewards. it's just causing me so much stress, and pain and longing i have'nt felt in a while. my kuya told me that i should be more careful because he said, everything could go wrong in a snap of a finger. i seriously believe you kuya, i do.

there are days where im glad i let myself feel this way, there are days that i regret opening up. it's sometimes nice to depend on someone, to have someone support you every now and then. because we cant be strong all the time, right? but, when they can't step up, it hurts you more than you expect. problem is, you can't really ask for more. because that's all they can give to you. you have to settle. you have to be content. because you have no right.

am i just being strung along this rocky road? or is it for real?

it feels like we're just playing. nothing serious. nothing real. but sometimes i feel like there's something there. something worth staying for. sometimes.

do i stay or do i go? do i stop this kalokohan now while it's still new and save myself from hurting? or do i just dive in?




Run, Forrest! Run!

- Jenny, Forrest Gump

hide and seek

Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.

Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I dont believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.

bakit makanita ing biye ku. ala na talagang megbayu. palagi namung aku ing manatindi or yaku namu ing mas mikaburi keng tau a kaluguran ku. minsan bala ku sana maswerte naku kening tau a ini. pero ali ku pa pala. mashadung marakal drama keng pamiyabe mi. mashadung kumplicadu at mashadung marakal ali mikaburi. anti mo i koya na dati keng kaluguran na sanang masaya ya na miyabe kami ning wali na, ngeni ali na naku mo paksabyan at ali na naku sabi uling ketang milyari kekeming adwa na balu ming mali.

lawen mu keng kayabe ku ngeni, sasabyan namu na buri naku istung ikami mung adwa ing miyabe. pero istung keng arap da reng aliwang tau, ali na man apakit. anggang sabyan ku kareng kaluguran ku, ali la man maniwala uling ali na naman papakit kanaku. masikan ya lub talnan ing gamat ku istung ikami mung adwa, or uman keng pisngi, pero istung atsu nakami keng kilwal, balamu pakiramdam ku pikarine naku.

istung managkat kung mulwal, yaku mu ing managkat. ali naku pa inagkat mikit or munta kening bale. purus mung yaku. minsan pin pakiramdam ku yaku mu ing mikaburing mikit kami eh. nung eke agkat eneman munta.

nung ika mo nanu keng palage mu ing buri ng malyari? kutnen ke ba nung nanung buri ng malyari? or mashadu pang maranun? baka naman tumakut ya at pulayan naku.

mayap pa yatang ali ke pa paksabyan. oneng sasabyan na napin kanaku na mashadu ku kanung mapagdabug at mashadu ku kanung madrama. pero tutu naman ing sasabyan ku. siguru pin istu ku na eganaganang lalake paraparehu lamu. sasabyan na mo kanaku kanita na ya kanu aliwa ya. pero ngeni keng ayakit ku, kaparehu nalamu. alang pegbayu.

alang megbayu.

i hate your stinkin' guts. you make me vomit, you're the scum between my toes.


-

little rascals