my pineapple under the sea: December 2006

this is the end

the new year. what's so special about it? to me, right now, it does not feel any different than the other days in my life. if it weren't for all the hype, i wouldnt notice the year roll to the next.

looking back, i feel like this year was a mellow one. compared to the year before, i didnt party as much, drank as much, ate as much and puked as much. i even stuck to my new year's resolution of going to the gym every morning. i was a pretty good girl, my mom and dad wouldve been proud of me. and i didnt do anything kuya marty won't do *wink*wink*

lorraine and i were looking at old pictures from 2005 and i have to admit, those were good times. we hung out every week till the wee hours of the morning, told stories, listened to them or just watched the moon set and the sun rise above the horizon with a bottle in hand or just passed out on rooftops and couches. i miss those times. lorraine's right, we all grew up somehow and stopped doing those silly things. i stopped coming as often as i used to, one of us became serious with his career and life, and two of us started hanging out just the two of them. plus the fact that our little group grew into a far bigger group than it used to be, hanging out became a party, but it's not as intimate as before. i miss those days.

i don't like being a grown up. i have to face life and the realities and the debt and the loneliness and the fact that when we die, we always die alone.

ok wait, that was being a bit morbid.

i want those days back.

i just hope that in this coming year, everything that i have now, will just stay the way they are. or be better.

cheers everybody. goodbye to the old, hello to the new, but i hope i get to say hi to the old again someday.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

midnight

cge na nga, thanks Marco for making me stay up till midnight to greet this crappy xmas.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!

crappety crap crap

i hope everyone is having a better christmas than i am!

if i didnt call you, text you or greet you, i probably fell asleep while waiting for midnight and while watching meteor garden.

so, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

my 100th post

yey for this, my 100th post. i never thought i could go this far. believe me, this is a big thing for me. i almost always never continue, finish even, anything i started.

this is not the end of it tho.

i'm in love with blogging more than ever. it's freedom. it's passion and it always listens without any judgements.

sometimes, it's even better than most friends i have.

so YEY!

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why does this christmas feel, well, different.

it's not such a big deal for me anymore. it's like i lost the christmas spirit, like i'm not filipino anymore. i remember when i was young, i would count the days till our christmas party at school. we get to dress up, wear outside clothes, play games, give gifts and stuff then lakwatsa after the party. i loved highschool christmas parties. the newspaper dance, the egg-throwing, all those cheesy party games. i didn't realize how fun they were till now. now that we're all grown up, we don't get to do silly things anymore. we don't get to act like kids.

a friend asked me when was the last time i actually got rained on, for no reason at all. just plain letting myself get wet, soaking in the raindrops just for the fun of it. i was stumped. the last time i remember doing that was way back when i was in gradeschool. me and sister were running around, flinging tabo-s of water at each other and lying on the ground while it was raining on our faces.

i want to be able to do that again, even as an adult. it sucks that i don't have anyone to be silly with here, i left all of them back home.

see, that's why i miss home, i miss my friends, i miss how silly we can all get and kapag trip, trip talaga.

this christmas made me realize how important those people are. how they make every year for me very special, and how they make me feel loved even if im thousands of miles away. i love all of you. and i hope you know that.

i don't. no, really, i don't.

stop it.

i seriously don't.

i can't. it won't

since it's christmas

well, i heard somewhere, that somehow, problems have their way of working out around christmas time and so, fate, to return the favor, i will apologize to those i have hurt and wronged in the past. i think this will be kind of liberating.

Lilit, i dont really know why and how much you don't like me ( i wouldnt say hate, it's such a strong word, but if you feel that way, that's fine by me) but i would like to apologize for anything i have done to make you feel that way.

Ruel, i'm so sorry for leaving you just like that. i can't help it, i didn't feel anything anymore and i wouldnt want to keep on pretending. and if it matters, i know now how you felt. im sorry again.

Dale, i'm sorry for taking you for granted. you will always be my first. and i hope we can talk again someday. you have to tell me how you are.

my friends, im sorry for not keeping in touch as much as i want to. it's my bad and im hoping to change this habit and im hoping to write as often as i can. i miss all of you.